I am Exhausted- What's Next?

Do you ever just feel overwhelmed?
You know, like........

No matter what you do-

It just isn't enough.

I get so tired. 

There never seems to be enough of me to go around.
Not that I am really all that in demand-
Or even that I really work that hard.
It's just that the needs all around me are so great-
Yet all my efforts seem so.......... inadequate.
Check that -
All my efforts are so inadequate.

Running to stand still-

And that is on a good day. 

I wrote the above a few days ago-
I was coming to the end of a long stretch of crazy busyness-
Exhausted.
Living on adrenaline-
I think I 'm a junkie.
It's funny to read all that now-
Just a few days later-
As the busyness begins to subside-
You see, even with all the fatigue and stress....

There is still a real part of me that says-

"What's Next?"

I have been living on an adrenaline high for so long-

I feel a little empty without it.

There is a part of me that loves living in the frenzy-
That craves the excitement.
I can't help but feel I am missing something when the pace slows-
When I'm not right on the edge.

Father forgive me for always chasing the next mountain top experience-
For living out of the lie that........
Life = Excitement and Edginess.
There is such a spirit of discontentment about it.
Yes I really want to live Life-
To experience all of it at it's best! I do!
But..........
Father help me to find it Your Way-
Living in You.
Living out real Love for the people You bring my way-
To value all these over all the excitement and drama.
Yes - I love the idea of Life as an adventure-
Even a Battle to take ground for Your Kingdom-
I am energized by these things.
But as I look at Jesus-
He never seemed to be in a hurry-
He never seemed to be caught up in the frenzy.

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,

and I will give you rest. 
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,

For I am gentle and humble in heart,

And you will find rest for your souls.

For My yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Holy Spirit , lead me deeper into Jesus today.

Amen.

Medication

1982 or there abouts- Summer time- June or there abouts- Ponce de Leon Mall- St. Augustine Florida- Selling Toy Airplanes- It seems like another lifetime- maybe just a bad dream. Ah, but real it was and there is nothing quite like the pain of an abscessed tooth to burn the time into my memory. Honestly, I don't know if there has ever been another time in my life I have been in more pain- yet needed to function- to perform well in fact. Money was short and I needed to come through- I needed to have a good- no, a great week- selling those silly styrofoam gliders to all the beach combing tourist I could convince their own quest for happiness was only a Toy Airplane purchase away! Still..............

I had to do something about this pain- ANYTHING that would give me some relief!

What about you (and me still for that matter)- What are we doing with our own pain? How are we managing it- the dissappointments- the losses- the failures- the cutting words that have left deep and festering wounds.

Is Tylenol enough? If not Tylenol, how about Alcohol, or Work, or Achievement, or Soap Operas, or Pornography, or Romance Novels, or Prescription Drugs, or Food, or Religion, or ...........................Choose your Medication.

What am I using to escape my Pain?

The way I see it there are 2 kinds of Medication.

Both are really important in their own way.

There is Medication that helps me get through- that helps me manage my pain.

Think of Perkocet (misspelled I think) or Zoloft- neither promises a cure, but both are critical to help us manage pain as we go through a healing process.

Then there is Medication that actually heals.

Think of Antibiotics or Chemotherapy- neither gives you any sort of on the spot relief- in fact the Chemo really makes you "feel" worse for a while- right? And yet these Medications go to the core- they attack the sickness rather than treating the symptoms.

Two Questions

Is my Christianity more about pain management or healing?

How much have I looked to other things to give me some relief- some escape even- from those deep places of hurt in my Heart?

Isaiah 61 Excerpts "The Spirit of the Lord is on Me (Jesus)......to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners......to comfort all who mourn.......to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning and a garment of praise to replace a spirit of despair.........They will be a planting of the Lord for the display of His Splendor.

Lord Jesus, Friend Jesus, Father God, Great Counselor- Thank You that You have promised healing, that You have promised rest for the weary, that You have promised not to allow more on me than I can bear. I come to You Lord for relief and yes for healing. Strengthen me to go through Your Healing. Give me Courage to go into those painful places in my life. Father God, be a surgeon if need be to cut out all that festers and steals my Life and Joy. All Praise be to You Most High God. Amen